My day with friends

Today was an awesome day.

The Leave Applications;)

· Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as
follows:-


"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife,
please sanction me one-week leave."
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· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was
performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days..."


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· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who
was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."


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· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it,
please grant me 10 days leave."


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· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may
not return, please grant me half day casual leave"


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· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."


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· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I
request you to leave me today"


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· Another leave

letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."


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· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."


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· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."


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· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at
home I may be granted leave".


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· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."


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· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and
an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past
several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am
applying for the post.

Of Asif, Ali and Zardari - Manas Chakravarty

First of all, they’re very unclear who exactly is a terrorist. Do we mean militants or freedom fighters or jihadis or extremists or those people whom Asif Ali Zardari says are ‘non-State actors’? That’s made even more complicated by the fact that these guys keep changing their names so that the Lashkar-e-Tayyeba becomes the Jamaat-ud-Dawa, or the Harkat-ul-Something becomes the Jaish-e-Something-Entirely-Different.

Besides, they also have Sunni fanatics, al-Qaeda operatives, Taliban militia, all adding to the confusion.

We could argue that all of them need to be put down immediately. Ah, but who’s going to do it? As Zardari has said, they have non-State actors in Pakistan. They also have State actors, non-State non-actors and State non-actors. Zardari is obviously a State non-actor. What they don’t seem to have are those who act on behalf of the State.

But that depends on which State we are talking about. The army, for instance, is a State within a State. The ISI is a State within the Army State within the State of Pakistan. And this ISI State also apparently includes ‘rogue elements’.

To make it easy for you, I have made an illustrative but by no means exhaustive list of the various groups in Pakistan.

Here it is: pro-State, pro-army; pro-State, anti-army; pro-non-State, pro-non-army; pro-State, anti-ISI; pro-army, anti-ISI (this is reportedly an oxymoron); pro-State, pro-army, pro-ISI, anti-rogue elements in the ISI (these are reportedly
morons); pro-generals, anti-retired generals; pro-retired cricketer, anti-retired general etc.

I’m uncertain whether the picture is clear now, but at least you have some idea of how complicated things really are in Pakistan.

What’s more, nobody is quite sure which of these factions runs the country. In short, if you need to hand over a list of demands the first thing to do is make about 500 photocopies and give it to each of those groups.

That’s because very often the State’s left hand has no inkling what its right hand is up to. For instance, when A.Q. Khan exploded that nuclear bomb, the Pakistan government had no idea what he was doing.

Why, even A.Q. Khan says he hadn’t a clue. “I had put my clothes in the washing machine, quite forgetting about the lump of uranium in my trouser pocket and then I went to the market to buy some veggies. Imagine my surprise when, on my way back, I saw this little mushroom cloud over my bungalow,” he told this reporter.

He then went on to explain that the uranium must have reacted with the heavy water in the washing machine (he always uses heavy water for washing, it’s good for stains) and inadvertently produced a nuclear explosion.

The point of this story is to emphasise just how difficult it is for anyone to know who is doing what in Pakistan.

Rumours have also reached me that this muddle about non-State actors and State actors has gone to such lengths that people are no longer pro-Asif Ali Zardari. Instead, some of them are pro-Asif but anti-Zardari, others are pro-Ali but anti-Asif and so on. This can, of course, happen only in Pakistan.

As for Zardari himself, he has now split into three distinct personalities — Asif, Ali and Zardari — so that if you ask him about that list of terrorists he can claim you never gave it to him at all because you handed it to Asif but the guy who’s before you now is Ali.

So if you see the president of Pakistan sitting quietly at his desk, don’t for a moment assume the poor man is lonely and depressed. For all you know, he may be having a wild party with Asif and Ali.
Link - http://www.hindustantimes.com/StoryPage/StoryPage.aspx?id=e85119f6-8f31-4cde-8f68-4e6b91dabe04

TV guide for the week- Manas Chakravarty, Hindustan Times

By the time you read this column, the strike by TV workmen will hopefully have ended and you will be able to watch your favourite serials soon. Realising the impatience with which you have been waiting for your beloved soaps, we offer you some sneak previews of the next episodes. For copyright reasons, the names of the serials and the characters have not been disclosed.

Family drama

The hero comes home and bends to touch his mother’s feet, but realises something is amiss. He straightens, looks carefully at her but can find nothing wrong. He then sniffs the air and steps back hurriedly, realising that the woman whose feet he had touched could not be his mother, because the perfume was Calvin Klein while his mother always uses Dolce & Gabbana. The lady tells him she is actually his mom but has changed her perfume because a gang of kidnappers want to kidnap her for ransom and she is trying to throw them off the scent. The hero suspects his wife to be the ringleader because she had been given up for dead in a car crash until she came back with a completely different face, lots of botox and a vastly different midriff and claimed she had plastic surgery. At that moment, the hero’s wife, aunts, grandmothers and great-grandmothers enter the room, wearing Kanjeevaram silks, lipstick and pearls. They are followed by his uncles, cousins, stepbrothers and stepfathers, wearing sherwanis. Then they all dance the bhangra. Meanwhile, John Abraham and Abhishek Bachchan drop in to promote Dostana. In the confusion someone suddenly shrieks and shouts out to the hero that his wife and mother are missing. The hero rushes to the next room and finds his real mother all trussed up, wearing a Paithani sari and Dolce & Gabbana. She sobs quietly on his shoulder and tells him that the woman using Calvin Klein was her twin sister who had taken a wrong turn fifty years ago and never came back. The deathly silence is broken by the expensive sound of the hero’s Nokia N79 ringing. He picks up the phone……..to be continued. The serial ends with a nuclear explosion that wipes out the entire family except the evil twin sister, who dances on their graves.

A romance

The episode starts off on a festive note as the heroine is getting married for the sixth time and this is the third time she is getting married to the hero. The hero, who has higher TRP ratings, has been married nine times. Suddenly, the heroine sways and falls. There is an expectant hush as everybody waits for the doctor to come and tell them of the pregnancy. But the heroine goes into flashback mode and sees herself next to a temple in a forest, dressed in goatskins being wooed by the hero, in matted locks. At that moment, a malicious aunt enters and stabs them to death. The heroine wakes up and realises she has been reborn to avenge her death. While the wedding guests dance the conga, she changes into a snake and bites the aunt, swiftly changing back to her feminine self again, but not before being observed by the hero who falls into a coma. The doctor pronounces sorrowfully that he has a brain tumour, which prevents him from making up his mind about whom to marry. To be continued… The romance ends happily with the lovers eloping, while the rest of the cast goes mad.

A mythological show

This is the story of the demon Soorpanakha and how her nose, cut off by Lakshman, has been found in the jungles of Sri Lanka, guarded by djinns and the LTTE. Oops, sorry, this is breaking news.

A horror serial

The man is depressed, the woman’s face ashen. An eerie quiet prevails, the calm before the storm. Then a bell rings shrilly and the screen slowly turns blood-red. Oh sorry, got the wrong channel, that’s CNBC.

Link - http://www.hindustantimes.com/StoryPage/StoryPage.aspx?id=9bcd4297-45ac-439c-82c7-b37eba84cf3a

Dubya’s last speech - Manas Chakravarty

Ladies and gentlemen and Mr Barack Obama,That’s not to say Obama is not a gentleman, but I mention him separately because he’s the President-elect and a president is….uh….separate. On behalf of the American people I welcome the election of Mr Obama, by the American people. This election has shown that the people of this nation do not care about colour or creed, which I call the two deadly Ks. I believe all that is necessary for a man to succeed is to have the 3 K’s — colour, creed and courage, or rather he shouldn’t bother about the first two k’s and have the third one.

These are tough times and we have big problems in the economy. It calls for a big man to make these problems small. But Mr Obama has proved that he can be tough — he has snatched victory out of the jaws of Mr McCain — and I’m sure he will succeed. As they used to say of William Shakespeare, “Where there’s a Will, there’s a way”, so I say of Obama, “When you’re with Obama, it’s like being with your mamma”, which means I’m leaving you in safe and capable hands.

Of course this is not the best of times and we have problems with credit and debit and with banks and other things like derivations. They say the economy is in trouble, but last time I checked Halliburton was doing fine. The good news is we already have the plans to repair the damage and all the new President must do is to execute them. That’s why I say the President is like the CEO of a nation, the Chief Executing Officer. I had to do a lot of executing myself, but the job I enjoyed the most was executing Saddam.

That reminds me, one of the great things about the job is having a lot of relationships with other countries. I’ve made plenty of foreign friends here in the White House.

The best way to find out whether you can have a relationship with a country is look their president in the eye. I can tell you I took one good look at Putin, the Russian president — he was demoted later — and I knew we had a common interest in oil. Or take Blair, they called him a poodle but I always found him to be a completely fabulous animal.

You also learn a lot from inter-actioning with people from distant lands. I always thought that Indians were the guys who ran around with tomahawks and scalped people but my good friend Manmohan Singh, the prime minister of Indonesia, says he’s never scalped anyone in his life. I still find him an amazing guy, although I’ve never really understood a word he said. But he’s our man and his country, Indonesia, is a great democracy in Africa, full of call centres and malaria, so I swung a big nuclear deal for him.

Here is the link to the article - http://www.hindustantimes.com/StoryPage/StoryPage.aspx?id=a918bf73-beb8-48ac-8175-03fc03b4c027

17 Again - Movie Review

The movie is a lot about emotions. That's how this world runs..Love,Kindness and other such stupid words that bring no financial gains.
Why bother for the beggar in the street or hunting of polar bears when you can switch on the AC and enjoy "Who wants to be A Millionaire" on your new LCD TV.

Don't get me wrong you worked hard for it and deserve every bit of it. And the important thing is that you paid tax for it so u in a way contributed for the philanthropic activities of your respective country. Congrats !! you are just not a mean person some might think you are. In fact if you consider the tax u paid in total you can actually say - "I might have saved a few lives in my lifetime" .

Moral of the story - Vote for the "Emotional Man" in the elections because he is more likely to pass a law forbidding killing of Whales, Bears..U get the picture. And work harder cause you get paid more and pay more taxes and help others....and all but can also directly DONATE.

Political equations by Manas Chakravarty

Now that all 79 ministers have been sworn in, it’s time to stop bothering about who got what ministry and why they did so. My sources assure me that there’s no need at all to worry, because all the appointments have been done on the basis of firm scientific principles.

As a matter of fact, they insist that the entire political business has a solid scientific foundation. As proof, they point to the famous equation E=mc2, in which E stands for Elections, m for money and c for caste. I initially protested that I vaguely remembered the equation had something to do with energy and the speed of light, but was convinced when a grassroot political worker said c can’t possibly stand for ‘speed of light’ unless they spelt ‘speed’ as ‘cpeed’, which was plain wrong. “It’s very straightforward,” said a politician from Tamil Nadu, “which is why another equation that best captures the political process is the mathematical formula for a straight line, or y=mx+c.” “Y obviously stands for “Yelection,” he continued, while m denotes money and c is for caste.” On asking what x stood for, he whispered that it was a secret ingredient. “It’s the X factor,” he told me conspiratorially, in hushed tones.

Which brings me to the formula for distributing Cabinet berths. The things that go into the equation are caste, kin, region, the ability to rub opponents the wrong way, proximity to the powers-that-be, loyalty and some say (though this is hotly disputed) an ability to read and write. The formula here is CB= p·l*ckr.·········the symbols at the end being the code for ‘ability to rub opponents the wrong way’.

Others point out, however, that the formula for allotting Cabinet berths is based on string theory, which combines quantum mechanics and general relativity. There are 11 dimensions to string theory, exactly the same as for cabinet berths. Sometimes they come in handy, and reports say that Arjun Singh was consoled by pointing out that in another dimension in an alternative universe a Cabinet post had already been allotted to him. Lalu, on the other hand, has been told in no uncertain terms that for every action, such as jilting the Congress in Bihar, there is an equal but opposite reaction.

Perhaps the best people to attest to the scientific character of politics are the Communists, with their belief in ‘scientific socialism.’ They used to firmly believe that parallel lines do not meet, which is why they never allied with people like Jayalalithaa and Chandrababu Naidu. But at a stormy politburo meeting before the election, Prakash Karat reportedly argued passionately that while parallel lines may not meet in Euclidean geometry, they do in the more modern Riemann geometry and, therefore, he allied with a clutch of right-wing parties.

After the election, of course, Euclid is back in the CPI(M) and they want to send Riemann to Siberia. The BJP, on the other hand, is known to favour Ohm’s Law, because of a misunderstanding that it’s spelt ‘Om’s Law’. “Om, as you know, is the symbol of Hindu civilisation,” a BJP worker reminded me.

Even the cynics understand that politics is based on science. “Just as we have the theory of relativity,” chortled a confirmed cynic, “so politics is based on the Theory of Crap — short for ‘CRorepatis After Power.”

There is some dispute, though, whether politics is based on physics or chemistry or biology. Some point out that it’s very much akin to Darwin’s theory of the survival of the fittest. “Just as the dominant gene kicks out the recessive gene,” pointed out a biological-cum-political scientist, “so did the Congress treat the DMK.”

Others say the political process is chemical, because it stinks like hydrogen sulphide, or rotten eggs. Economists also stake a claim, because they say MV=PT, or Money.Vote=Power Trip.

But perhaps the last word on the subject is from the astrophysicists, who point out that politics is very obviously a black hole.



The credit for this thoughtful insight into Indian Politics goes to Manas Chakravarty of Hindustan Times. Here is the link to the original article -
http://www.hindustantimes.com/StoryPage/StoryPage.aspx?id=6b342a9d-a46e-4e68-b670-986105b4db19

Incredible India

what is it in girls that makes us crazy..?

The most important women in most of our early lives is without doubt our mother. Doesn't matter if we were bad kids she didn't have the option to kick us out. She had to bear with us.

So we will leave her out of this and focus on others who are not bound to be attached with us and choose to do so. People like rock stars, movie stars, artists seem suffocated surrounded by gorgeous beauties and even they sing /paint/ get inspiration from women, meaning they cant ignore even if its plenty.

Now coming to the others..they have no option other than be always in search mode....scanning the surrounding for something interesting..

Daily rumblings

Hi all,
I will use this as my daily dairy.

Movies and Survival of the fittest

I love watching movies especially English ones. I see the whole world and interesting people with the least effort possible. Same goes for TV. Reading was my favourite before that but it reqires more involvement and time. I still love it when I am sick and thats the passtime you can have lying on the bed.
Saw a movie ..Doomsday. Made me wonder that most memorable movies I saw from the UK were related to the gloom future relating to death, diseases and mostly end of the world like Children of men, Shawn of the dead.
I now feel that always a balance is maintained in our surroundings like a carefree man has a rsponsible wife and the wildlife population is maintained by the organism above it in the foodchain. But there is nothing to restrict the human population they just go on reproducing. The Charles Dickens principle of survival of the fittest works for the human species as a whole but not for indivisual people. They are back from the hospitals with artificial organs, deadly diseases surviving on medication. I believe that their offsprings are not going to have the best of the genes. Who cares they will live with medical support and produce offspring. I am not saying people in wild forests have the best genes but physically less capable can be brilliant mentally.

Anyway, I think nature will take its step when it becomes unbearable. May be a deadly virus, climate change, war. One thing is for sure the fittest will survive who see the disaster coming or people on the winning side of the war. Charles Dickens has made the greatest observation for sure. For the record..I have the best genes and so do you.

Regarding that lost bag incident..

We were on our trip to friend's marrige and on the way picked up two friends, ran towards them and gave them a good bash to exhibit our happiness ..(ohh remembered I was the only one to do so) . With the new joinee tring hard to smile and adding my name to his HIT LIST, the wheels of our SUV began to roll. Then came the time to take pics and not to mention the cam was in the bag lying somewhere 60-70 kms back. Well we all got out, scanned the road, under the hood of our car (detective minds had brought the driver under suspicion) took a leak and acted like inspecting a murder scene..someone actually thought of using the smelling power of Tommy (a stray dog had drifted to our investigation scene).

A few minutes later, we were speeding in the direction we came from. The idiot had brought his office bag which contained a lot of important stuff. He looked really upset. We tried to cheer him giving examples of our carelessness and how it lead to something good like a buddy gave an example of how he lost his credit card 4 times and in the process got to know the entire functioning of the banking system.

I tried to lit him up by him describing a scene from a movie how a careless man got up to find that his kidney was stolen .The timing could not be worse.A serious discussion started to drop me on the road and lift me on the way back. So, from then on I kept my thoughts to myself.

We reached the spot asked the shopkeepers, tried to follow earlier tracks. Finally, emptied our bladders and moved on to our destination.

We discussed work, politics, electrical stuff, girls and never for too long let the poor guy forget what an idiot he was.

We reached an 45 mins late. Thats a lot when you think the 150 relatives of the groom were waiting for us for the procession to the bride's house to start. We put up a spectacular display of a lot of dance forms bhangra, break dance, nagin , tribal, kick dance(my speciality). Took a lot of snaps with the groom, ate till the belts started to crack and parked our asses back on the car seat.

The journey back had started. Had a stopover at a friends house, dropped him. We had decided to look at all the major stoppages again on our back home. All this while I had forgot to mention that we had frentic searches for beer store. On one such stop a genius sitting at the back had gone to see if the store was open and had kicked the bag out. The nearby shopkeeper had found the bag and tried to call him but the idiot had drained his cell on useless calls trying to block his his credit card (yes he had kept his purse in the bag). I was the one to break the good news to him. It was the perfect ending to a hindi movie only here the hero runs to hug a bag. Took a lot of pics with the shopowner and thanked him profoundly.

Had a lot of fun on our way back. The real culprit was among us. Had fun pointing his mistakes.
Really, All is well that ends well.

why this bad title??

tried for mythoughts, ithink, thingsgoinginmybrain..etc all were taken..
constantly using back space and changing words got me to this name.Any way, I know I don't think like others (I may be mentally ill, I don't know yet) so this name suits me.

I just feel like typing and since I have written this I am posting it. Work has already been allocated. So let me get started. I am getting this feeling today is going to go well.

Forgot to tell..very interesting thing happened yesterday..will post that later.

whatnobodythinks

Hi all. This my first post. Lets see what will happen to this....may be a dud like most of the cases or a superhit like none of the cases.